Why do the gifts of God give more pleasure when they exist in ourselves than when they are given upon our neighbor, if we are not attached to self? If we prefer to see them in our possession rather than in that of those about us, we shall certainly be depressed when we see them more perfect in them than they are in ourselves; and this constitutes envy. What is our duty then? We must rejoice that the will of God is done in us, and that it prevails there not for our happiness and perfection, but for His own good pleasure and glory.
Now, take notice of two matters. The first is, that this distinction is not an empty difficulty; for God, in His desire to destroy the soul for its own perfection, causes it really to pass through these trials of self, and never lets it alone until He has broken its love of selfish reflection and support. There is nothing so jealous, so demanding, and so searching as this principle of pure love; it cannot tolerate a thousand things that were insignificant in our previous state; and what religious persons would call an unprofitable details, seems an essential point to the soul that is desirous of destroying self. As with gold in the furnace, the fire consumes all that is not gold, so it seems necessary that the heart should be melted with fervent heat, that the love of God may be rendered pure.
The second remark is, that God does not pursue every soul in this way in the present life. There is an infinite number of truly devoted persons whom He leaves in some degree under the authority of self-love; these remains of self help to support them in the practice of faith, and serve to purify them to a certain point.
Scarce anything would be more foolish or more dangerous than to bankrupt them of the reflection of the grace of God in them as inclined to their own personal perfection. The first class exercise unselfish gratitude; they are thankful to God for whatever He does in them, solely because He does it for His own glory; the second are also grateful, but partly because their own perfection is secured at the same time. If the former should aim to strip the latter of this mixed motive and this interior comfort in self, in reference to grace, they would cause them as much injury as they would an infant by detach it before it was able to eat; to take away the breast, would be to destroy it. We must never seek to take away a soul of the food which still contains nutriment for it, and which God suffers to remain as a stay to its weakness. To prevent grace is to destroy it. Neither must the latter blame the former because they do not see them as much concerned as themselves about their own perfection in the grace ministered unto them. God works in every one as He pleases; The wind blows wherever it wants to. You hear it, but you don’t know where it is coming from or where it is going. It is the same with everyone who is born from the Spirit (John iii. 8,) and as wherever it wants to. The forgetfulness of self in the pure reflection of God, is a state in which God can do in our souls whatever most pleases Himself. The important point is, that those who are still in a measure supported by self, should not be too anxious about the state of such as are in pure love, nor should these latter aim to make the former pass through the trials peculiar to a higher state of grace before God calls them to it.
The Inner Life – Francois Fenelon